I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
