i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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