He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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