i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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