Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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