The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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