How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
