When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
