They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
