why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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