if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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