i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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