i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
