You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
