I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
