Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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