Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
