he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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