so explain again why im purple
no
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
