Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
