and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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