I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just gift wrapped bread.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
