operation harelip BJ is a go
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
