Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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