the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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