Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
