he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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