i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
