margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
