Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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