part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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