You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Randomize
