Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
