ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
