I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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