girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
