So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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