so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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