I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
