paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
