I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
