Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
