look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
