i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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