i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
