walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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