Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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