just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
