I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
