I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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